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Children's Crusade to Defend the Alfalfa Sprouts

There is nothing so cruel and anti-life as a vegetarian. A humorous essay.

There is nothing so cruel and anti-life as a vegetarian. Every time I see one eating a sandwich with alfalfa sprouts in it, I am ashamed to be human. Until recently people didn't eat alfalfa sprouts, but then there arose a desire to cut short young lives by eating them alive.

Do you realize that the alfalfa sprouts, hundreds of them are alive even in your mouth. They don't die until poisoned by the acids in your stomach. If you take them out of your mouth before swallowing them and plant them, they will grow.

The Children's Crusade to Defend the Sprouts has taken up the cause. Here are some of their accomplishments.

The Chez Pannisse Restaurant in Berkeley has stopped serving alfalfa sprouts.

At the Good Earth restaurant in Palo Alto, 3rd graders took sprouts from the mouths of diners and planted them outside in a planter box to show that 80 percent were still alive after being masticated.

At California State University at Tracy vegetarians were stomach pumped and the sprouts planted. After 20 minutes in the stomach, only 5.3 percent of the sprouts were viable.

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